When You Feel the Weight of the World on Your Shoulders

Home sick. For the past two days I have been thinking about home all of the time. I'm excited to leave. Sad to go. Especially because I realized how messed up the world is. I never truly considered why I was so lucky to be born where I was born. And not only where... but to my parents. And in Norfolk County... and growing up with my friends who all experienced ample opportunity to find an incredibly successful life. I wondered why, just because before I didn't know that people lived the way they do out here in East Africa and around the world, I thought that my life was just a typical life. But no. It is far from a typical life. We are so blessed. So lucky. Beyond anything anyone has told you before. We are some of the luckiest people alive. We are the minority. And that messed with my head. It made me want to come home even more. It made me want to escape.

But I knew I would feel guilty.

The world is a bitch. And now I realize that. I cannot be as selfish as I once was. Many people need help. and I can't help all of them. At least I have come to terms with that thought. But hjust because I can't save the world, doesn't mean I can't save a life. or 10. or 20. or 50. or however many. I am an individual who's eyes have been opened. People need people. We all need each other. Or else we're just lost amongst the masses. No one to come to our funeral. No one to grieve when we die. And if there is no one to carry on your memory after your life has ended, what kind of life were you living? It can never be good if that is the case.

love.

With that in mind, I will save someone or someones. I will make the effort to aid those who are fighting this war. Because it is. The world is so messed up that it will not be fixed by purely democratic means. Everyday is a battle. And I can't lay down and pretend it isn't happening. I can't lay down and pretend I don't have the power to make a difference. I can't lay down and pretend I don't care, that I don't notice. Because I do care and I can't help but notice.

My world has been turned upside down.

Or perhaps it has been turned right side up?

Either way; I've changed. And I will never be the same.