Culture Shock, Genocide and Charity

Today, I feel the need to vent. Today, there has been alot on my mind. Yesterday blew my mind in a very positive manner. Yesterday, I was grounded in realization. I was inspired. I discovered.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the idea of culture shock. I was warned of how it would or could affect me, about the progression of emotion I should expect. And I scoffed at the idea. I wanted to believe that I was not one to be shaken by differences in land and behaviour and tradition and culture. I thought I was such an accepting individual that anything that would be thrown my way I would take in stride and learn from it and grow because of it and be genuinly fine with it. This was a terrible misconception on my part. This was me a month ago. This was me 40hours after leaving my parents house, my home. This was me, naive, and hopeful, and carefree. This was me, when I thought I had a pretty good idea about the world. This was me, being wrong.

It was about a week ago when I realized that I had finally climatized myself to Africa. It was about that time that I recognized I had vntured through quite a bit of culture shock. As I've been told many times, hindsight is 20/20. Now, I love this side of the world. Now I truly understand that alot of things are different here, while many things are the same. People are all people, with many of the same wants and desires as all of us back home. We still strive for those basic needs. Infrastructure varies wherever you go. Standard of living; the same deal. But what I am realizing now is that you have the choice to focus on what you want to focus on. Still, take the time to see the whole picture, and if you feel the urge to help: help where you can, not only where you are asked. The part that beat me down was how often I was asked for money. I'm apparantly rich out here, though no one knows my financial status. The funny thing, is that I felt rich when everyone thought I was rich. I think that's a major component of the culture shock. The fact that a white person is given power here. Freely. It can mess with your head, until you realize that we are all just people. And I know now that if I am going to make a difference, I have that ability to do so. And there are many ways to go about it, but just because a population decides I am powerful, shouldn't mean I garner a messiah complex. I was over the culture shock when my feet touched the ground again.

And my feet we're firmly planted after visiting the Genocide Memorial yesterday. There is something very moving and incredibly intense in taking a moment to respect the some 285, 000 buried dead. It made me consider the idea of fate, how I could never say that each person's life was meant to end so brutally. That they were born to be killed. That hits you hard. It made me think about my own life. About how you never know how, or when. Or how simply an existance can end. Those few hours at the memorial were likely some of the most imoprtant hours of this trip. I started thinking about so much, not only life and death, or how fickle humanity can be, or all that surface stuff. But about love, and family, and power and personal growth, and accomplishments and failures, and charity.

There was a donation box at the entrance/exit to the internal structure. And as I looked at the few thousand Rwandan Franks (which equalled roughly $15) I had a moment where I thought about not giving anything at all. I had a moment where I was about to walk out the door. I was actually heading in the direction of the exit, aboutto step outside, when I stopped.

What is charity?

I tried to convince myself that I would start giving to charities back home. That, when I got back to Canada, I would be someone who gives money to really noble places, groups who are really working to make a difference. When I return to Canada. When I'm done in Africa. Three weeks from now. I'll consider that. Ya, it's a good idea. Something commendable, honourable, noble... just like the places I will one day maybe donate money to. Procrastinator. I then thought, why wait. This place taught me and informed me of so much. This place opened my eyes, and my heart, and inspired me to live a little more. Why should I not give anything? What possible reason could there be for me not to respect the importance of a thing servicing the international community? How could I walk out of the building that filled me up with the best hours of this trip, without donating anything to help it continue inspiring, and informing and teaching future generations? I was so wrapped up in how little money I had, that I almost put myself above this charity.

What is it to be charitable?

So I gave 2000 franks. About 4 dollars. It was a tiny amount. But it was more than nothing. And because of that moment, I took a second to look at myself, and thought some more about the act of giving, and how I went about that in the past. I'm not usually charitable. That will change. And it has already. Looks like there was alot to take away from the Kigali Genocide Memorial.

So that was some of the highlights of my day yesterday.

This trip is truly life changing.

Still miss you terribly
much love, peace.
Ryan.